Call it autumn or call it fall, either way it’s a nice season as it marks the end of the reign of the dreaded and inconsiderate asshole landscapers who deserve to die for a great number of reasons:

Your piece of shit truck with homemade trailer carefully constructed of the finest rusty scrap metal and plywood protrudes way out into the middle of the street. This unsightly and inconvenient obstacle is the arch enemy of any motorist as it forces traffic to bottleneck into one lane. I just want to get to my job while you have somehow managed to make a career out of an 8th grader’s lawn mowing business. When you’re not mowing lawns are you delivering newspapers on a Huffy? Grow up and get a real job doosh bag!

If I am not fortunate enough to be inconvenienced by your parked vehicle then I am one of the extremely lucky who find themselves painfully stuck behind you as you perform your best rendition of “driving”. But then I guess it might prove difficult to drive a big piece of shit pick up truck around when you have four people crammed into the cab of the thing right? They should have a special lane designated for landscapers to drive in. It should be called the “Asshole Lane” and it should be paved with nails and broken glass.

You are by far the scurge of the working class. I could suffer blunt force head trauma, lose half of my brain in a freak boating accident, and come down with a nasty case of dementia yet I am confident that I would still be able to perform your lowly job tasks. I would ask if you graduated high school but you already answered that question when you blindly walked out into the middle of the road with your leaf blower. You were smart enough to wear hearing protection but you haven’t mastered the concept of looking both ways when crossing the street. Extra-Good Job!

Thanks but no thanks! Like I want the child that I don’t have and probably never will growing up to be a landscaper.

Plenty of time in the off season, to pick up a new ink cartridge for your printer and some sticker paper. Print out a bunch of these and affix them to the first landscaping truck that you see this Spring! Its only vandalism if you get caught.

Do-It-Yourself Sticker FUN! FUN! FUN!

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